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Thursday, March 23, 2017

Fidelity: A state of the mind?



My friends are my window to the world. They are my constant source of information about the current dating scenario. I won't lie, I take immense interest in their lives, not only because I love them, but also because they never cease to amaze me about what it is like to date in your mid 30s- mid 40s, in this era or technology.

With the onset of online messengers, and dating apps, everyone is connected 24x7. A message at 11:53, as innocent as "Hey, I like your DP" from a long lost colleague or an ex is no longer public knowledge. Gone are those days that the only means of connect was a landline or a mobile phone... even the internet boom and plethora of online dating websites perhaps didn't change the dating demography as much as the advent of smartphones did.

Thus adultery, infidelity or extramarital affairs however you refer to them, is slowly becoming everyday occurrences. I read somewhere, that a person's tolerance towards infidelity is directly proportional to the extent their own moral compass would let them drift. To someone even casual flirting with a person of opposite sex is deception, while for some other, physical intimacy doesn't count as adultery if there is no emotional connect.

So, is that what it is all about? Is fidelity just a state of mind? Why do people seek? I refuse to use the word stray... as that has a negative connotation.

Are they really seeking pleasure outside of their current relationships? Or are they desperately trying to look for the person, that they were many moons back? That person who is now lost in the mundane routine of day to day existence? The constant search for what they were and escape from what they have become.

To be noted here is that I am not condoning infidelity, I am just playing a devil's advocate... trying to understand why people tend to look outwards in a relationship. May be it's never about the third person, maybe it's about rediscovering themselves. Maybe if a couple is evolving together, everyday and never lose that connect with who they were and what they are...  every time they'd look outwards, they'd only find each other. Adding dimensions to their lives, marriage, relationships, and as a result their own selves.

Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.

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